Dear Carolyn,
Today I told you that I’ve been writing letters to you on my blog, for you to read when you’re older. I wanted to know if that was OK with you, or if you would want me to stop. Now I don’t expect that you know what exactly it means, that these letters are on my blog, but you did like the idea that I was writing them, so I’m going to keep writing to you for now.
This month has brought a whole new set of challenges. In some ways you are so very advanced: you’re reading chapter books on your own, you are a kind, compassionate, polite little girl, you are so smart it’s scary sometimes. None of that’s a bad thing – in fact, your Daddy and I are so incredibly proud of you.
But I think because of all that you’ve been exposed to ideas and concepts that you aren’t emotionally ready for. You’ve been worried a lot lately – about things like who you will marry when you’re older, other people (mostly kids) laughing at you for something you’ve done, worn or said, and even death…your own. It’s challenging to try to calm your fears while not giving you other things to worry about in their place. (Note to self: trying to explain heaven? Not so helpful.)
On a lighter note, you’ve overcome some pretty big challenges yourself this month. You had a little setback in remembering to use the potty when you needed to, but you got yourself back on track. You were also getting into the bad habit of chewing on your hair, but after realizing how hard it made it to get a brush through it, you made a conscious effort to stop doing it – as a semi-reformed nail biter I understand how hard it is to break habits like that!
And you really are such an extremely helpful, wonderful big sister. You heard Anna sneeze over the monitor one morning when you’d crawled into our bed sometime in the wee hours. I was not quite awake enough to get up, but you got out of bed, went into Anna’s room, and I heard you pull out a tissue and say “Here you go, baby!” – turns out you wiped your sister’s runny nose through the slats of the crib. Everyone keeps saying that things will change when Anna starts crawling and trying to play with your toys, but I really believe that if you’re pulling toys away from her it won’t be because you don’t want her to have them, but because you want to keep her safe.
And that brings us full circle… Carolyn, it’s my job to keep you safe, to worry about things so you don’t have to. I can’t pretend to know what your future holds, who you will marry – or if you even will. I can’t tell you that you won’t be laughed at. In fact, I can pretty much guarantee that at some point in your life you will be. And no one knows how much time they have in life. The only thing that is certain is that we all die eventually – just hopefully not until we’ve lived full, rich lives. So, your job is to stop worrying, and instead enjoy every moment life has to offer you.
Love, Mommy
