Last night I had a really bizarre dream. Apparently, the church decided that they needed to increase the number of people going, and the best way to do this was to add a bunch of “features” to mass. First, there were the sports announcers, who were literally doing play-by-play descriptions of everything: “Oh, look, there’s the alter boy lighting the candles. He’s really got a great technique down for not letting the match burn out before the candle is lit!” Then, all of the hymns had the same words, but they were set to Star Wars melodies – think “Joyful, Joyful” to the Imperial March. Finally, they had the big screen, where they kept putting up views of parishioners in the pews – people who were nodding off, etc. Unfortunately, they decided to single me out, because I had to keep getting up to use the bathroom, so I was up on the big screen a lot. Oh, and they padded the pews, and after the last time I went to the bathroom, someone else had taken over my entire pew for a nap.<\/p>\n
I think maybe I was feeling guilty for not going to mass yesterday…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Last night I had a really bizarre dream. Apparently, the church decided that they needed to increase the number of people going, and the best way to do this was to add a bunch of “features” to mass. First, there<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-117","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sarahsthreads.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/117","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sarahsthreads.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sarahsthreads.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sarahsthreads.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sarahsthreads.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=117"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.sarahsthreads.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/117\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sarahsthreads.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=117"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sarahsthreads.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=117"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sarahsthreads.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=117"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}